How do I bring romance back into our marriage?

Sure, Melissa. It really depends on what you mean by romance but I’m assuming you mean that you want your husband to take care of you, make you feel special, have intimate candle light dinners, and things of that nature. Romance comes from your husband wanting to make you happy. But I’m going to let Michael talk a little bit more about that.

Michael: It’s really important that you let him know that what he does makes you happy. If you’re relationship is in such a state that he’s worried about not upsetting you, than he’s going to have trouble making you happy. I would love to bring Bette flowers, because I know how happy it makes her. And it wasn’t because I had something to apologize for or felt as if I needed to repair some damage in the relationship. I knew that I could do something, and right away, it would make her happy.

So the question is, Melissa, are you allowing your husband to do that for you? Are you showing him the ways he can make you happy? That is the most important thing to us in a marriage. If I can’t make Bette happy I feel really bad. I feel terrible. I’m not doing my job.

Bette: The thing is, men will stop trying. If they are convinced that nothing they do will make you happy, it’s instinctive to conserve calories. They don’t try. So if he knows how to win with you and he can consistently make you happy, he’ll be inspired to do more for you.

So Melissa, I hope that helps. If you have questions or comments, please go to our Contact page and “Suggest a 'Love Notes' Topic or Question.”